A Speech, Many Years in the Making
I started writing my maid of honor speech for my best friend before I even knew she was going to get married. Before I even knew if there’d be a wedding for me to be a MOH at. Sometimes when I couldn’t fall asleep, i’d lay in bed and think of a catchy intro or the funniest memory I could appropriately share publicly.
When she got engaged, I began jotting down more notes, knowing that the time was really coming. But then 2020 happened. And i got the text “So Wes and I are going to do a family wedding in November.” This must have meant me too, right? I was family. Her Mom my second Mom. Her sister my third sister. I surely wasn’t going to let her go through the planning of her wedding (even if just a family ceremony) without me. So we decided i’d be the caterer, photographer, DJ, bartender, coordinator, and resident crying girl at the family wedding.
After dinner, the bride and groom read thank you notes to their family members and in response, received well wishes and fond memories. After all the family members had their time, I was surprised to receive a thank you note of my own, at which point I asked if I could read the speech that I had been writing…for the last few years. It went something like this:
Kiyome does everything in her life with INTENTION.
Before I had a high level of emotional intelligence, I called it “taking forever”. Shopping at the mall looked like this — go in to store. Shop around. Each find things that we like. Grace buys what she finds. Kiyome makes a note in her mind, then goes to look at 10 other stores while she makes her mind up and finds the exact version that she had imagined. Intentional purchase.
Making dinner- Grace decides what she wants to eat based on what was in the house. Cook it up. Eat. Kiyome- look through some books and websites. Decides what she is craving. Start collecting ingredients. Makes something from scratch. 4 hours later sit down and eat slowly. Intentional meal.
See, I make decisions quickly and confidently.
Kiyome takes time. Makes sure she’s certain about her choice. Needs to feel it in her bones. And doesn’t care how long it takes.
There’s a line in a Goapele song that goes “I don’t dive in to the cold, I get in slow but every day”.
Both strategies have done us very well and compliment each other well. She teaches me to slow down and take it all in. I get her out the door and give her that extra push she needs.
Now let’s talk about boys, men, partners.
In middle school, high school and college, the situation was always the same. I would slowly find out that every boy was in love with Kiyome. Either through the grape vine or them directly telling me how beautiful and cool my best friend was. Was she single? Was she coming to the party on Friday? Sometimes I’d get jealous but most of the time she was so humble and care free, that we both went unbothered.
Sometimes I’d wonder who Kiyome would end up with or what her type was, but most of the time I was just happy i got her all to myself.
We graduated college and one day she calls me and tells me that she and Wes (the guy we had been close friends with for 4 years) had made out at a party. She was considering XYZ, thinking about things, taking her time on making her decision about next steps. I tried to contain my excitement and play it cool, but this was literally the first time we had had a conversation about her having feelings about a guy, enough feelings to talk about it at least.
I was no stranger to Wes. I had known the guy for 4 years. 4 years of celebrations, camping trips, peer pressure, live shows, festivals, family meals, and mega beds. Wes and I had a special relationship that was based on our very similar sense of humor and extroverted desires to bring people together for a good time. I also always compared Wes to Kiyome in the sense that everyone loved Wes and had huge crushes on him, but he was more concerned with his friends and hobbies.
So when they magically ended up together, it totally made sense. She had chosen Wes, intentionally.
And something else magical happened…instead of my relationships diminishing with both of them because hey…we all have friends who shift their priorities. Nope, not here. They individually strengthened and the two of them welcomed me in to their world. The silliness, adventures, experiences and memories grew exponentially.
What I respect about Wes and Kiyome’s partnership is that they’re both such unapologetically unique individuals that live in a wonderful harmonious balance of one another.
They’re both wildly creative, adventurously active, loyal to their core, dedicated to their friends and family, warm and welcoming, weird and kooky, and strikingly good looking.
Wes brings a lightness and calm to Kiyome’s world.
Kiyome brings a loving structure and beauty to Wes’s world.
And as a unit, remain a guiding light in the lives of those they surround themselves with. A constant in many people’s messy, confusing worlds.
When Wes called me to tell me he was going to ask Kiyome to marry him, I was worried about one thing…I would have to keep a secret from Kiyome for months which I’ve never done. We have gone through everything together. Our lives have happened together, side by side, never missing a beat. My friendship with Kiyome is my life’s greatest achievement. The best choice I’ve ever made with the greatest return on investment. The fact that I haven’t messed it up in some way is truly spectacular. And I know this is how Wes must feel. This “how did I end up with her? How could she have chosen me?” feeling.
I couldn’t have chosen a better partner for my best friend. Having Wes join this long running circus is an absolute joy. It’s like having the best most delicious meal of your entire life and the waitress really liked serving you so she brings you a free dessert. Wes- you’re the free dessert. I’m so glad you’re here, you’re the perfect addition, and you’re a tasty treat.
